No. No, I will not be quiet.

Anyone who has been around me in person for at least a few minutes knows that I have a very loud, raucous, somewhat obnoxious laugh.  It's been that way as long as I can remember...  And as such, is very much a part of my identity, at least it is in my eyes.  It's the only way I know how to express joy, humor, just overall enjoyment of life at that particular moment.  And many others I know seem to like it, because it's "genuine".  It's not some dumb little giggle a lot of other chicks put in to play simply because they want someone to believe they're funny just to be liked...  I rarely, if ever, do the giggle, in fact.  Pretty much because it just seems so fake.  Others hate it with a passion, however...  Which is fine, but it's when you feel it necessary to tell me that my having a good time is interfering with your existence is when I get offended.

To me, asking me to stifle my laughter is exactly the same as asking me to keep any sort of happiness I may have under wraps.  It's telling me that being myself isn't acceptable.  That you all are too busy being miserable to allow someone else within a few feet of you to have fun.  And to tell me to be quiet at WORK just confirms my belief that this shithole where I work is the most depressing place ever.  "How DARE she laugh while on the clock?  This is not acceptable!!!!"  And the thing that makes this even more hurtful to me is the one who told me to be quiet was the manager on duty tonight...  My mom. 

This is not the first time she's tried to keep my laughter under wraps, either.  It seems that in her eyes, my laughter isn't fit for public consumption.  It makes me sad that she can't seem to accept this part of who I am, but I keep telling myself that she's just so miserable in her own life that she can't handle it when someone else is happy.  (At least, that's what I hope, as bad as it sounds.  It sounds better than "she hates when her daughter is being herself".)

As much as I don't want to reign this part of me in, it's been enough of an issue to make me wonder if I really am that much of a nuisance to the public.  Because, you know, it's not like I need anything else to make me feel like a misfit...  But oh, well.  It stays.  And that's final.